Growing boys

"God gave those little children to you, mama - you. No one else can mother them like you can. You may have your work cut out for you, but you're the one cut out to accomplish it". --Erin Odom

Today and everyday, I truly feel grateful + extremely blessed to call these boys mine. To have the opportunity to watch them grow, to hear "wake up-wake up" every single morning, to nurse a sweet babe every night, and to be there to cheer them on as they get older.
Not all days are easy, in fact, we have a lot of bad days too. Last week, Kyren threw a rock at a car..and if any of you know Kyren he has quite the arm. Sadly, Ky has been a little bit violent with our little Kue. And a 5 month old isn't always the easiest thing to take on. I know that the hours may seem long, but I do know that the days are short. I can't believe that I'll have a 3 year old in 3 months and that my tiny babe is already 5 months old. It breaks my heart that sometimes I'm not present enough to soak all of their goodness in. So today, that's what I am working on. Watching them interact with each other, embracing the messes, and cherishing the snuggles.

These boys. As I'm sure every mom says about her littles --they are the absolute best! They are cute, funny, and have the biggest personalities! We haven't done an update on here for quite some time...So today is the day.

Kueyn:--He's my little chunky man! (I know, I'm the luckiest)
short + most squeeze-able cheeks and eat-able thighs.
--He's rolling from his tummy to his back.
--Bath time + his fingers in his mouth are still his favorite!
--Of all the smiles I've ever seen His is the biggest!
--He thinks he has to sit up 24/7 or be facing outward.
--Seriously, he is the happiest babe I've ever laid eyes on.
--Let's not forget that today (the 6th) he is 5 months old.
--Puts up with an extra lot from his big brother.
--Worlds biggest bubble blower.
--He's reaching for everything and eyeing all of our food.
--Toys --He's all about them.
--Love - Hate relationship with his carseat.

Kyren:
--Costa Vida, Papa Johns, Fries, Juice + all the sugar in the world.
--He thinks Kue is pretty much the best thing that has ever happened to him.
--Will quite literally talk your ear off.
--Tantrums galore. Not joking..Please tell me the three's are better.
--"Hey! What are you doing" "Come play, come play" "Hey! Where going"
--Doctor. He loves it!
--He slept in his big boy bed for the first time just a week ago!
--Went potty in the toilet for the first time, ever on March 4th.
--World's biggest helper.
--"He's cuuuute" as he looks at his little cousin, Kohler.
--Mr. Independent (walking to the car, scanning at self checkouts, dishing up his food, getting dressed, turning on his sound machine etc.)
--Knows how to work snapchat on his own. (We apologize if you've received any snaps from us)

My kind of paycheck

Oh friends,

I have currently started selling DoTERRA Essential Oils.
1- Because I absolutely love the products. Like I'm one of those crazy Oil ladies.
2- I got a few checks back from it and it just felt so rewarding to feel like I was contributing.

I wonder more often than I should why others got so blessed with money, not that we don't have any. Because, really..We are doing just fine. I'm no successful blogger and I'm not making thousands of dollars retiring my husband. I'm not at Target everyday, and I often feel guilty buying a $2.00 Fiiz drink. We dream of having toys (i.e the four wheelers, a big ol' truck, all new clothes for all of us, pricey makeup, a fancy suv and the list goes on) and making that honeymoon trip that we never took. I mean, we can all think of a hand full of things we would like to have or places we would like to go, can't we? Please tell me I'm not alone in my thinking.

So many people make a living off of their talent; writing, drawing, crafting, beautifying, singing, talking. --It's been a few days now and I am still sitting here trying to figure out exactly what my talents are. Seriously, I know so many talented people and going on 72+ hours I still can't think of one darn thing that I'm good at. I told my mom that the only thing I'm good at these days is changing diapers. **haha! And I mean it. I have complete confidence that I can change a diaper in less than 30 seconds.

As I sat here the other night at my absolute wits end and feeling like I'm not enough.. In all areas of my life, really. I mean I don't bring in a weekly or even monthly paycheck. I'm "just" a stay at home mom. I "just" clean (honestly, I rarely cook), I "just" haul both of my boys to the grocery store and back, I "just" try and keep them presentable and smelling good, I "just" pick up the bag of purposely dumped out chips. I "just" do the laundry. I "just" make sure Kyren doesn't place a smartie in Kueyn's mouth for the second time. I "just" make sure they are both fed. I "just" watch the monkey + Adam Levine's newest hit song multiple times through out my day. I "just" try try try to be the very best that I can be for my boys. My eyes started getting teary and my heart a little too heavy... When I told Jace that I'm not contributing he looked at me, laughed, and said "because, raising our boys isn't contributing" I thought long and hard about that sarcastic statement. I have had some tough jobs. Some jobs that were emotionally wearing, some physically, and some were both. I can honestly say that motherhood has been the toughest + roughest of them all. BUT it has been the best + the most rewarding of them all.

I have been with them for all of the laughs, the owies, first bites of baby food, first roll over, first few steps. I have learned so much about my babies and about myself. I have seen my strength as well as fallen to my knees begging and pleading for help to make it just a few more hours for dad to get through the door. I have broken down, a lot. I have truly grown and changed.

Kyren reminds me to pray before dinner + before bed. Kyren reminds me that Kueyn needs to eat when he cries. Kyren reminds me to look for cars before crossing the road. Kyren reminds me to find joy in the small things + learning. He says "love you" "thank you" "welcome" "please" + so much more! Kueyn reminds me just how fast time really does fly by. Kueyn reminds me to smile at Kyren's craziness. Without any hesitancy they teach me every.single.day. Over and over again! Everything I do they are watching + learning + repeating.

So the moral of the story. Am I contributing as a mother? YES. Why do we as women/momma's feel like the things we are doing aren't enough? WHY?!! I may not have a paycheck to show for it but I do have two absolutely beautiful baby boys to show for it and that should be more than enough.

So to the mommy nursing her newborn, the mom walking her toddler out to the car because he/she can't have that $4.00 sucker from Hobby Lobby. To the mom who leaves the house to work and comes home and keeps working. To the mom who thinks her life is over. To the mom who feels lost and unimportant. To the over-protective, don't feed my kid that momma bears, to the moms who get up early and stay up too late. To the moms who feed their kids Mcdonald's. To the moms that live in pajamas/leggings all day everyday! Last but certainly not least...to the struggling hard on herself momma who feels the least talented + no paycheck coming in. You ARE contributing! Loving and caring for a human other than yourself is hard, emotionally taxing, physically draining, and just plain old hard!!! Your paycheck may not be an account full of money BUT your paycheck instead are the random kisses, the "mommmmmm" when you walk in the door, the daily snuggles, the smiles when they're sleeping, their hilarious dance moves, and fake laughs. Your reward is one that will last for years to come! So today, as you feel mom guilt for not being what you think is "enough" for what ever reason I hope you remember that in a few minutes your little babe will reward you with some sort of paycheck!

xoxo

Love a little harder

Friends, it's almost Valentine's day. The day of love and kisses + great big squishy hugs. In Elementary School you made cute little mailboxes, put together store bought Valentines for your class, and even had a celebration after lunch. And in 6th grade maybe even got to dance with the cute blonde boy with spiked hair. Then comes jr. high full of change, new people. New boys. And the school sales Carnations for $1.00 where you can write a small note to whomever you'd like. I distinctly remember the kids coming around 6th and 7th period reading names of people who received a flower. Some one, some two, some 12 or 13...and some none! (Ill come back to this.) Anyways, I remember sitting, and waiting ever so impatiently --almost to the point of feeling anxiety-- for my name to be called. High school rolled around and I seemed to always have a boyfriend, or a special someone. (Another point that I'll come back to) I remember getting flowers, a stuffed animal, some chocolates, and even going out on a date to celebrate this day filled with extra hype for those in love and extra loneliness for those who were considered "alone" or single. One year, a previous boyfriend had even come back from Logan (Utah State) and knocked on my doorstep with a huge bouquet of beautiful Gerber Daisies, the most massive lovable bear, and the prettiest ring. And then years later, a missionary that I was just so head over hills for left on a mission. Valentine's day was different for the next two years of my life! Instead of filling it with those kisses, hugs, and a pricey dinner date it was filled with girlfriends who took care of me, a sister who hugged me, and parents who supported me.

Then I met the one. The ONE who changed everything for me. The ONE who takes care of me. The ONE who takes care of two energetic busy boys. The ONE who came along and picked up the pieces after things with that Missionary Boy didn't work out. The ONE who tested/s my patience, and makes me make decisions. The ONE who goes with the flow and watches too many sports too often. The ONE who has facial hair **I always hated facial hair until he came along. The ONE who is okay with the mess. The ONE who thinks he needs a bullet bike. The ONE who eats pizza one night a week too many. The ONE who makes me laugh so hard my stomach hurts and I pee a little. (Haha) The ONE that I've never heard say a bad word. The ONE that proposed days after Valentines day. The ONE that roots for me and picks me up. The ONE that will run outside because I hate treadmills. He's the ONE you guys. He melts my heart so hard.

Neither of us are huge on Valentine's day...It's been that way since the very beginning. We've been married for a few years now and each year we both promise not to buy the other anything for this day. BUT year after year a beautiful bouquet of flowers/fruit bouquet shows up on my doorstep. We have started our tradition of making a yummy dinner at home and spending the night in. This year two little boys will join in on the fun!

Going back to waiting for my name to be called in Jr. High and being envious of the girls who received a full dozen of Carnations from Mr. Right. It seriously hurts my heart thinking about how much a flower could effect me. WHO CARES?!! You are loved. So loved. You may not be the Cheerleader, or the girl with perfect long hair, or wearing the newest fashion. You may not be invited to all of the "cool kids" parties. Your kids may not be the most well behaved and you may not be driving that Mercedes Benz. You may eat Mcdonald's more than you'd like to admit and you may not exercise as often as people think you should. Why do we let how many flowers are gifted to us, or what others think of us define us? I know that I do it too often. I know that I do care what others think of me and how I'm viewed. I'm working on it. Today, I wrote a list. A list of names of people who's opinions matter to me. It may be a bit longer than it needs to be but it's sure a heck of a lot shorter than it was.

Looking back to those high school-end of the world-everything is a big deal-high school days it seems as if I always had a boyfriend. Whyyyyy???? Well here comes the why. I felt as if I needed to always have someone who needed me. I felt I needed someone to make me feel special, to make me feel wanted, loved, needed. Here's the biggest why that I ask myself. Whyyyy did someone else define me?!! Looking back, it nearly breaks my heart that someone else always defined every bit of me for 3 years of my life. Whether I was happy, whether I was sad, whether I was "alone", whether I felt secure etc. That completely breaks my heart. I never, ever, in a million beyond years want my boys to feel like someone defines them. To you, who feel alone on the journey. To you, who feels small. To you, who needs a pick me up. To you, who feels like they are falling short. YOU ARE worth it. You are loved. You are important. You are needed by someone on Valentine's day and everyday.

To those of you who love this holiday **however few there are out there, I know there are some real die hard lovers of it! To those of you who hate it **like having anti-valentine's day parties. To those of you who are missing someone. To those of you who are spending it with friends because "the ONE" hasn't made his/her way to you just yet. To those of you who have found the one...whoever, and wherever you are I encourage each of you to find someone who needs a hug. To make this day special for someone who needs it. To compliment a stranger. To let one person in front of you in traffic. To spend a solid 5 minutes of uninterrupted time with your baby. To be kind. Valentine's day doesn't need to be JUST a day for lover's or heartache. It can just be a day of plain-old-fashioned love! Love for yourself. Love for your family. Love for your friends. And love for complete strangers! So here's to spreading love in any way or should I say every way that you can!

In our little corner of the world, we will be gifting Valentine's to our loved ones. To cousins that Kyren adores, to Papa that has been in the hospital. To grandparent's who spoil us rotten. For me, I hope so strongly that I can teach my boys to gift carnations to the ones who may not get any. I hope that I can teach them to love those that may be a little bit harder to love. I hope that one day, years ((hopefully many many years hahaha) from now that when their 'ONE' comes along they will treat her the same way that their daddy treats me! I hope Jace and I can work on loving our boys even more fiercely when it is harder to do so. That we can be examples of the truest form of love.

Fighting the blues.

Is it just me or has it felt like snow has beautifully covered our green grass for what seems like years? I don't know about you but Kyren and I...and I don't know, maybe even Kue have definitely missed the sunshine and Summer days outside. We can't wait to introduce baby brother to everything outdoors ie. the slide, splish splashin in the pool, the swings at grandma's (everyone's favs.) and just laying on a blanket and feeling the warm summer sun.

Moms. Family. Friends. Random readers. I have had the setback of major postpartum depression after having both my boys. Like, it's bad. I can feel myself losing myself after each one...and slowly, ever SO slowly, I do end up getting back to myself again. So this time around as bad as it has been I have tried extremely hard to force myself out of bed when Kyren wakes up. It's hard, like I feel like it's way harder than it should be. Then I feel like I'm constantly having to "force" myself to do things all throughout the day just because I seriously have NO motivation and just lack the energy to do anything. So just because, or maybe just for me the next go around here are a few things that have helped me see the sunlight!

First, I distinctly remember the following... it was about 1 maybe even 2 weeks after Kue was born. I woke up and again "forced" myself to get ready; showered, makeup on, hair done, and clothes (anything other than sweats). I had told myself the previous night that "tomorrow is the day" I know me, I know how I operate. If I get up, get moving, and get ready I feel 100x better about myself, and about the day. So I ever so sluggishly rolled out of my bed and when I felt like my boys would be okay I hopped right in...turns out, Kueyn cried the entire time and Kyren managed to dump the full bag of potato chips all over the floor. I got out, fed the baby, picked up the spilled chips, and was determined to get myself ready from head to toe. Long story short, with lots of interruptions, baby cries, toddler tantrums, newborn feedings, and who knows what else...after 3 long hours I pulled it off...Then my Husband, (my ever so sweet, and observative husband) got home from work and didn't compliment me, and seemed like he didn't even noticed that after 2 full weeks I actually looked presentable. I waited, and I kept waiting until we jumped in to bed that night. I sadly asked him if he even noticed that I got ready today. Luckily, he did notice but didn't say anything. Insert postpartum meltdown here**! You guys, normally this wouldn't have even phased me but it did and in a BIG way. Jace has yet failed to tell me how good+pretty+sometimes even sexy I look haha!

Second, social media. Does this one just kill you sometimes? I kill myself at how many times I scroll through the exact same posts and at how often I let other peoples life successes, time on their hands, put together they look, dreamy vacations, and just pretty feeds SO many people have. I mean thoughts like "that mom just had a baby ago and she looks like that?", "Look at her perfectly cute decorated mantel, how does she have time for that"? "why can't I look like her when I'm pregnant"? "She has a new outfit on in every single picture" "She is SO pretty" I mean you guys mostly thoughts that just kill my mood. Not that I'm not happy for my girl friends, and not that I would trade my little world for another's life..but I do get envious and I do have wishes, and wants, and goals that I do wish we could reach and achieve a whole lot faster than we have been able to. But honestly, the thing is, is I sit and I beat myself up all day, dad after day, for not being the moms on Instagram or the money makers on Facebook trying to get me to sale their things hahaha! I hope that this year I can just stop. Stop wanting things I don't have. Stop comparing myself to others; the way I look, the things that I have, the way they mother vs. the way I mother etc. I truly agree in the thinking of "we are our worst critics" why do we do that? We as girls and we as momma's?!! I hate it. Although hard, I hope that I can be happier over here in my little corner of the world. I really do have it all. I have the sweetest, best husband + daddy. I have the cutest darn kids (who hate sleeping), I have a car, a home, out of style clothes, and a really really comfy bed among tons of other huge and small blessings all in between.

Third, breaks. Aren't they the best?! As a mom and a wife I often feel like taking care of myself comes last on the to do list...I have also found how satisfying and humbling the few breaks that I have taken for myself actually are. Satisfying because a minute to breathe, pee without Ky walking in, or hearing a baby cry or tantrum being thrown is all great + leaving a salon with cute nails isn't bad either ;) and humbling because I am reminded just how much I seriously love love LOVE my boys. They are a handful + messy + hilarious + loud + from 0-20 the first five minutes in the day. But they are my mess, my handful, and they are my boys. I miss them within minutes of being gone and I have found that the best me that I can give them comes after I have given myself some me time. And of course I'm super grateful for a husband who allows me and trusts me enough to be out on my own, and understands that mom needs some alone time too! Did I ever tell you friends that one day my husband had my mom pick me up, stuffed some money in my purse + a cutesy note and had her take me and my sister to get pedi's. Who does that?!! Oh just my husband. Love you forever, babe.

Forth, look for the good. Because girl, there is SO much good; in you, in your kids (or the kids around you), in your hard working tired husband, in your old car, in your messy house, and most of all in you. When my day is harder than usual I try and sit and make a list of at least 10 things that I am grateful for. I have found that after doing so I'm usually happier and more satisfied with my own life.

Just some random things that have seemed to make the mom load + wife load + be good to yourself a little lighter.
!- Mom time. She's my very best friend! Like, I call her almost everyday + multiple times a day.
2- Sister time. Talking to Brina or my other sisters is seriously therapeutic for me.
3- Kissing Kue's little rolls and his chunky cheeks saves me in times of frustration.
4- Taking the time to soak all of Ky in + listen to him talk + sit and watch him shoot the basketball and just sit and be SO proud that he just made that shot!
5- Serve my husband. The other night I sat and massaged his sore work muscles and afterwards thought how rewarding it was to serve him instead of constantly having him serve me.
6- Blogging. I know I'm not the best writer and not many read this but it does feel good to sit and let the words + my emotions flow.

So to you who are struggling for what ever reason...Whether it's that you just had a baby, or if it's because this gloomy weather is sticking around a little bit too long, or maybe you are just having a no good rotten day. I challenge you to dig deep, to realize you're not doing as bad as you may thing. To remember that it could always be worse, and it could be. To push through your rough days, to squeeze that little one giving you fits, and to kiss those chubby cheeks of the babe that won't quit crying. You are special. You are brave and you are strong!

Introducing Kueyn

Kueyn Duane Ropelato
Born: October 6, 2016
Time 3:57 PM
To: Keri and Jace Ropelato
Weighing 6 lbs. 8.4 oz.
Measuring 18 1/2 inches long

A birth story that should not be forgotten.
It was a Thursday. Jace and I were scheduled to be induced with our second little boy.
I was told to call the hospital that morning at 8:00 to see what time to come in.
The babies must have really wanted to make their debut all in the same day because the hospital was packed.
Well, to our surprise they wanted us to arrive at 8:30. It was already 8:05. Jace was still lying in bed and only half of my head of hair was curled. Shelby, my sweetest sister in law came to watch Ky for the day and then we were off.

The nerves were running high, as only one would imagine.
Honestly, I was just so scared because of my horrific experience with Kyren that I thought there was no way this time would be any different. But boy oh boy was it different! We pulled in to the hospital and I made Jace snap a quick last picture of my prego belly in front of the hospital before our adventure began.

We got checked in and the sweetest lady came and asked me how I was doing. I let her know that I was good but pretty nervous. She quickly let me know that it was going to be a great day and that they were going to take care of me. Already my experience was better than my last. I 100% believe that the nurses at Ogden Regional are the very best there is! Laurel, was my main nurse for the day and she was just the sweetest. My mom arrived a few minutes later and my mother in law a little after my mom. **Two of the greatest women I'll ever know!

They got me my Ice...Which many of you know I craved Ice my ENTIRE pregnancy and nobody has as good as Ice as the hospital. Anyway, time went by and I was feeling great but I was very very slowly dilating and VERRRRRY slowly was my cervix opening.
They let me know that I would need to let them know when I was ready for my epidural but that it would take about 30 minutes to kick in and that I would want to get it before I was really really hurting. My Dr. Was coming at her lunch break to break my water and so we patiently waited.

She came in and broke my water and then I got my epidural and gosh dang it! I waited too long and was really feeling it. Surprisingly though, it was NOTHING like the pain I felt with Kyren. I cried a little bit, and my mom helped me through them and kept reminding me to breathe. I think I got the hang of it! When my epidural kicked in though. Man, was it nice. I didn't know what that felt like since it didn't work at all with Kyren.

My little baby sister, Brini arrived and I remember feeling just so relieved that she had made it in time for Kue's arrival.

I went from being a 4 clear to a 7 within the half an hour and the nurses came in and started setting up and having me push. Shortly after my allstar Dr. arrived and asked if we were ready to have a baby! Boy were we all ready...I prayed for Kueyn so hard, wanted him just so badly, and needed him more than I can express to any of you.

I remember my mom, mother in law, and sister were all on my left side by my head and Jace always likes to watch **haha! He thinks it's the most amazing thing and I guess just loves being right in the middle of it. I pushed and pushed but it was hard for me to even tell how hard I was pushing because I wasn't used to the epidural. Before I knew it I heard a baby cry, saw a smiling husband telling me that I did it, and a room full of happy happy people.

We did it. We brought another little human to earth and I couldn't be more honored to be his mommy!

and just as exciting, heart melting, and just overwhelmingly sweet as it was to watch Jace become a dad for the first time it was as much so with baby boy #2.

and a few more pictures of meeting little Kue.

You guys, we had bought a present to take to the hospital to gift to our little Kyren from the baby...you know, just to keep him from getting jealous and so on. He got there later that night and walked in ever so shyly and peeked over and saw our little Kue...and then he saw his present and that stole the show...but then, later, we placed Ky on my lap and presented him his new little baby brother. Kyren automatically fell in love and has been obsessed with him ever since. He is always asking to hold him, and if he starts to cry Kyren will be the first to tell you "eat eat eat" we hear "oh Kue-eeee" pretty much on repeat everyday.

So many sweet people who mean SO much to us came to meet our most precious little teeny tiny man!

Say hello to the new Ropelato family of FOUR!!!

Letting it out.

For the last month my sweet husband has been home with Kyren and I. Honestly, it has been the all time greatest thing for me and Kyren. Tomorrow he starts a new job and I won't lie I'm completely devastated. Like cry my eyes out and have a really heavy heart devastated. Today has been rough for me, and I feel like my eyes have been needing to leak all day and I have had to keep telling myself to pull it together. Throughout the last month Jace and I have quite literally spent every single day together...at first I was pretty concerned that we would get irritated with each other because let's be real we all need a little alone time. This time was so different. It's not like Kyren and I haven't been on our own throughout the day before and it's not like being home with him by myself is new to me. But I have found myself so scared this time around. I'm not sure if it's because I'm almost 7 months pregnant and have a terribly hard time keeping up with the little skunk or if I just have depended so much upon Jace these last couple of weeks. Jace has been the ultimate champion around here the last few weeks to both KyBug and I. He has given me the breaks that I needed, kept Ky happy, helped with the house work and has ran all over the place just for me. Tomorrow I send him to work and I feel like I'm sending him away for much longer than just a few hours. I'm scared. I'm really scared.

Kyren is growing up all too fast. I'm a worry wart mom. I admit it! Like I worry way too much and about wayyyy too many things. There are so many scary and sad defeating things happening in the World today. I can honestly say I have found myself wanting to stay inside away from it all and hide my sweet angel. WHY? Because it truly scares me to take him anywhere. It's sad that we live in a world that is the way it is. I get major anxiety to take him in to public. I get major anxiety in the car because who knows who isn't being aware of their surroundings or just don't care. I get major anxiety when he is at the pool because his little ears have been known for ear infections. I get major anxiety when he's asleep at night and I can't be right where he is. What kind of mom am I? Seriously. I feel like I am losing it! and what kind of life am I living when I am so scared of the things going on that I have pretty much put us in a little bubble.

This little babe of ours will be making his debut in just a couple of months and I'm a nervous wreck you guys. What if Kyren doesn't get the attention he needs? and for that matter what if I'm not able to give Jace the much deserved attention that he needs? What if I'm not capable of loving baby #2 as much as my KyBuggy (It's a real fear, someone please knock some sense in to me)? What if I don't lose all of the baby weight that I've put on so quickly this time around? What if I'm not able to fulfill my church calling or make it to the Temple? What if I lose my patience and say something that I don't mean? What if I'm too hard on Kyren when he is "helping" and feeds our little guy something that he could clearly choke on? What if I mess up? I'm so terrified of messing up.

As one of my very favorite bloggers has said "adulting is hard. mothering is harder" It is you guys, it's so hard.
Marjorie Pay Hinckley has said "Be a Mother who is committed to loving her children into standing on higher ground than the environment surrounding them. Mothers are endowed with a love that is unlike any other love on the face of the Earth"

Tonight I hugged Ky and got a kiss from him and I wanted to burst in to happy tears **for the first time today because we were finally getting along. Tonight I sent Jace to bed early and on his own so I wouldn't keep him up tossing and turning until 3:30 in the morning...So here I sit, alone. Just me and you, thinking about all of the things I could have done differently today. The longer I sit the longer my list grows. I know I'm overbearing. I know I worry way too much about things that aren't in my control. I know that I baby my Kyren Babe. I know that I often don't give my husband the attention that he so much deserves. I know that I take for granted so many of lifes moments. I know that I need to refocus and count my blessings more than I do. I know that I need to stop drinking so much soda and chewing on so much Ice. I know that I need to let my guard down and just enjoy life. I know that I need to remember what life is about. I know that I need to love a little better and try a little harder......and as I could sit here all night and name to you the things that I know of, of this be sure. I KNOW that of all the things I'm doing wrong in the world or by the "worlds standards" that loving my little family is the one thing I'm doing right. My heart aches to send my husband back to work because I genuinely love him. I love the time that I have had with him and consider it a HUGE blessing that he got laid off...because I have SO needed him and Kyren has SO loved having him home with us. I worry about them too much because I genuinely love them. I fear for their well being because I genuinely love them. I stress about being the "perfect" mom and wife because I genuinely love them. I'm hard on myself, I know it's true. It's not very often that I get the time now days to sit and write down the things going on with us Ropelato's let alone my feelings.. But tonight I write because today my heart has been loaded, has been aching, and the tears have been needing to flow.

So to those who are reading this, thank you for listening. To those who may have a heavy heart for what ever reason..sit and write ten things you are grateful for. To those who just need a good cry let it out. To those Momma's needing to know you are doing okay, you are. You are brave, beautiful, strong, and you are a complete rock star!

Here's my list of ten::
1- My adoring husband.
2- Our beautiful boys.
3- Our families.
4- The Gospel and my testimony.
5- A home to live in.
6- A new day, tomorrow.
7- Prayer.
8- A forever family.
9- Ice.
10- Blessings in disguise.

Cabin Fun

We went camping a few weeks ago with Jace's side of the family and oh guys was it a heck of a ride.
Kyren definitely was not the most pleasant to be around the majority of the week which unfortunately, made for an unpleasant mom to be around.

It's almost disappointing to openly admit how many times I lost my "cool" with my sweet little one. There were nights he wouldn't fall asleep until 3:30 in the morning and then decided he wanted to be up at 5:00 screaming for literally hours on end. One night it was SO bad that I told Jace I was leaving and if our car wouldn't have been blocked in I certainly would have.

If any of you know our little Ky-Bug you know that he is stubborn as all get out. Take Jace and then add in a bit of myself and you get Kyren aka the most stubborn 2 year old you'll ever meet. It's a constant battle between the 3 of us and I'll be honest we rarely win the war.

He walked around with the four wheeling helmets on almost 24-7 and it was the cutest.
Anyway, I didn't take too many pictures because...well, I had my hands full with a grumpy two year old instead of the camera but I was able to capture a few of the good moments we had.

He played with Shelby for what had to be a good two hours straight. Between putting on, taking off, trading helmets, and reading books he was a happy camper and so was I. Thank you Aunt Shelby for giving this mom a much needed mom break!

Anyways, we did get to enjoy the Manti Pageant while we were down there and Kyren was a hoot. He is one funny with a heck of a personality little boy when it is just Jace and I around him but other people rarely get to see his goofy side. Well if anyone was watching they definitely got in on some of what Jace and I get to witness every.single.day! He danced. He giggled. and he honestly was just so fun to watch! I can honestly say he behaved better those two hours than the entire week.

and because these two just melt my heart! Kyren adores his dad and I adore their relationship with each other. He may be a mommy's boy but when dad is around he can always be found not too far behind. These two will be best buddies as Kyren gets older and that I'm sure.

Here's to hoping that there will be far easier camping trips and a much happier baby... Of this I'm sure, our time as a family of 3 is coming to an end and we will soon have another little baby with us. As hard as life can be with just us I will definitely miss the one on one time I will get with Ky and being able to give him so much of my undivided attention.