My kind of paycheck

Oh friends,

I have currently started selling DoTERRA Essential Oils.
1- Because I absolutely love the products. Like I'm one of those crazy Oil ladies.
2- I got a few checks back from it and it just felt so rewarding to feel like I was contributing.

I wonder more often than I should why others got so blessed with money, not that we don't have any. Because, really..We are doing just fine. I'm no successful blogger and I'm not making thousands of dollars retiring my husband. I'm not at Target everyday, and I often feel guilty buying a $2.00 Fiiz drink. We dream of having toys (i.e the four wheelers, a big ol' truck, all new clothes for all of us, pricey makeup, a fancy suv and the list goes on) and making that honeymoon trip that we never took. I mean, we can all think of a hand full of things we would like to have or places we would like to go, can't we? Please tell me I'm not alone in my thinking.

So many people make a living off of their talent; writing, drawing, crafting, beautifying, singing, talking. --It's been a few days now and I am still sitting here trying to figure out exactly what my talents are. Seriously, I know so many talented people and going on 72+ hours I still can't think of one darn thing that I'm good at. I told my mom that the only thing I'm good at these days is changing diapers. **haha! And I mean it. I have complete confidence that I can change a diaper in less than 30 seconds.

As I sat here the other night at my absolute wits end and feeling like I'm not enough.. In all areas of my life, really. I mean I don't bring in a weekly or even monthly paycheck. I'm "just" a stay at home mom. I "just" clean (honestly, I rarely cook), I "just" haul both of my boys to the grocery store and back, I "just" try and keep them presentable and smelling good, I "just" pick up the bag of purposely dumped out chips. I "just" do the laundry. I "just" make sure Kyren doesn't place a smartie in Kueyn's mouth for the second time. I "just" make sure they are both fed. I "just" watch the monkey + Adam Levine's newest hit song multiple times through out my day. I "just" try try try to be the very best that I can be for my boys. My eyes started getting teary and my heart a little too heavy... When I told Jace that I'm not contributing he looked at me, laughed, and said "because, raising our boys isn't contributing" I thought long and hard about that sarcastic statement. I have had some tough jobs. Some jobs that were emotionally wearing, some physically, and some were both. I can honestly say that motherhood has been the toughest + roughest of them all. BUT it has been the best + the most rewarding of them all.

I have been with them for all of the laughs, the owies, first bites of baby food, first roll over, first few steps. I have learned so much about my babies and about myself. I have seen my strength as well as fallen to my knees begging and pleading for help to make it just a few more hours for dad to get through the door. I have broken down, a lot. I have truly grown and changed.

Kyren reminds me to pray before dinner + before bed. Kyren reminds me that Kueyn needs to eat when he cries. Kyren reminds me to look for cars before crossing the road. Kyren reminds me to find joy in the small things + learning. He says "love you" "thank you" "welcome" "please" + so much more! Kueyn reminds me just how fast time really does fly by. Kueyn reminds me to smile at Kyren's craziness. Without any hesitancy they teach me every.single.day. Over and over again! Everything I do they are watching + learning + repeating.

So the moral of the story. Am I contributing as a mother? YES. Why do we as women/momma's feel like the things we are doing aren't enough? WHY?!! I may not have a paycheck to show for it but I do have two absolutely beautiful baby boys to show for it and that should be more than enough.

So to the mommy nursing her newborn, the mom walking her toddler out to the car because he/she can't have that $4.00 sucker from Hobby Lobby. To the mom who leaves the house to work and comes home and keeps working. To the mom who thinks her life is over. To the mom who feels lost and unimportant. To the over-protective, don't feed my kid that momma bears, to the moms who get up early and stay up too late. To the moms who feed their kids Mcdonald's. To the moms that live in pajamas/leggings all day everyday! Last but certainly not least...to the struggling hard on herself momma who feels the least talented + no paycheck coming in. You ARE contributing! Loving and caring for a human other than yourself is hard, emotionally taxing, physically draining, and just plain old hard!!! Your paycheck may not be an account full of money BUT your paycheck instead are the random kisses, the "mommmmmm" when you walk in the door, the daily snuggles, the smiles when they're sleeping, their hilarious dance moves, and fake laughs. Your reward is one that will last for years to come! So today, as you feel mom guilt for not being what you think is "enough" for what ever reason I hope you remember that in a few minutes your little babe will reward you with some sort of paycheck!

xoxo