Love a little harder

Friends, it's almost Valentine's day. The day of love and kisses + great big squishy hugs. In Elementary School you made cute little mailboxes, put together store bought Valentines for your class, and even had a celebration after lunch. And in 6th grade maybe even got to dance with the cute blonde boy with spiked hair. Then comes jr. high full of change, new people. New boys. And the school sales Carnations for $1.00 where you can write a small note to whomever you'd like. I distinctly remember the kids coming around 6th and 7th period reading names of people who received a flower. Some one, some two, some 12 or 13...and some none! (Ill come back to this.) Anyways, I remember sitting, and waiting ever so impatiently --almost to the point of feeling anxiety-- for my name to be called. High school rolled around and I seemed to always have a boyfriend, or a special someone. (Another point that I'll come back to) I remember getting flowers, a stuffed animal, some chocolates, and even going out on a date to celebrate this day filled with extra hype for those in love and extra loneliness for those who were considered "alone" or single. One year, a previous boyfriend had even come back from Logan (Utah State) and knocked on my doorstep with a huge bouquet of beautiful Gerber Daisies, the most massive lovable bear, and the prettiest ring. And then years later, a missionary that I was just so head over hills for left on a mission. Valentine's day was different for the next two years of my life! Instead of filling it with those kisses, hugs, and a pricey dinner date it was filled with girlfriends who took care of me, a sister who hugged me, and parents who supported me.

Then I met the one. The ONE who changed everything for me. The ONE who takes care of me. The ONE who takes care of two energetic busy boys. The ONE who came along and picked up the pieces after things with that Missionary Boy didn't work out. The ONE who tested/s my patience, and makes me make decisions. The ONE who goes with the flow and watches too many sports too often. The ONE who has facial hair **I always hated facial hair until he came along. The ONE who is okay with the mess. The ONE who thinks he needs a bullet bike. The ONE who eats pizza one night a week too many. The ONE who makes me laugh so hard my stomach hurts and I pee a little. (Haha) The ONE that I've never heard say a bad word. The ONE that proposed days after Valentines day. The ONE that roots for me and picks me up. The ONE that will run outside because I hate treadmills. He's the ONE you guys. He melts my heart so hard.

Neither of us are huge on Valentine's day...It's been that way since the very beginning. We've been married for a few years now and each year we both promise not to buy the other anything for this day. BUT year after year a beautiful bouquet of flowers/fruit bouquet shows up on my doorstep. We have started our tradition of making a yummy dinner at home and spending the night in. This year two little boys will join in on the fun!

Going back to waiting for my name to be called in Jr. High and being envious of the girls who received a full dozen of Carnations from Mr. Right. It seriously hurts my heart thinking about how much a flower could effect me. WHO CARES?!! You are loved. So loved. You may not be the Cheerleader, or the girl with perfect long hair, or wearing the newest fashion. You may not be invited to all of the "cool kids" parties. Your kids may not be the most well behaved and you may not be driving that Mercedes Benz. You may eat Mcdonald's more than you'd like to admit and you may not exercise as often as people think you should. Why do we let how many flowers are gifted to us, or what others think of us define us? I know that I do it too often. I know that I do care what others think of me and how I'm viewed. I'm working on it. Today, I wrote a list. A list of names of people who's opinions matter to me. It may be a bit longer than it needs to be but it's sure a heck of a lot shorter than it was.

Looking back to those high school-end of the world-everything is a big deal-high school days it seems as if I always had a boyfriend. Whyyyyy???? Well here comes the why. I felt as if I needed to always have someone who needed me. I felt I needed someone to make me feel special, to make me feel wanted, loved, needed. Here's the biggest why that I ask myself. Whyyyy did someone else define me?!! Looking back, it nearly breaks my heart that someone else always defined every bit of me for 3 years of my life. Whether I was happy, whether I was sad, whether I was "alone", whether I felt secure etc. That completely breaks my heart. I never, ever, in a million beyond years want my boys to feel like someone defines them. To you, who feel alone on the journey. To you, who feels small. To you, who needs a pick me up. To you, who feels like they are falling short. YOU ARE worth it. You are loved. You are important. You are needed by someone on Valentine's day and everyday.

To those of you who love this holiday **however few there are out there, I know there are some real die hard lovers of it! To those of you who hate it **like having anti-valentine's day parties. To those of you who are missing someone. To those of you who are spending it with friends because "the ONE" hasn't made his/her way to you just yet. To those of you who have found the one...whoever, and wherever you are I encourage each of you to find someone who needs a hug. To make this day special for someone who needs it. To compliment a stranger. To let one person in front of you in traffic. To spend a solid 5 minutes of uninterrupted time with your baby. To be kind. Valentine's day doesn't need to be JUST a day for lover's or heartache. It can just be a day of plain-old-fashioned love! Love for yourself. Love for your family. Love for your friends. And love for complete strangers! So here's to spreading love in any way or should I say every way that you can!

In our little corner of the world, we will be gifting Valentine's to our loved ones. To cousins that Kyren adores, to Papa that has been in the hospital. To grandparent's who spoil us rotten. For me, I hope so strongly that I can teach my boys to gift carnations to the ones who may not get any. I hope that I can teach them to love those that may be a little bit harder to love. I hope that one day, years ((hopefully many many years hahaha) from now that when their 'ONE' comes along they will treat her the same way that their daddy treats me! I hope Jace and I can work on loving our boys even more fiercely when it is harder to do so. That we can be examples of the truest form of love.