Kueyn turns ONE + Jace thirtyONE

That year just flew right by. Like faster, than anything I can ever remember!
It's a bit bitter sweet. The milestones have hurt so much more with Kue than they did Ky.

Babe and Kue are both October babies. Kueyn was born on the 6th, and Jace on the 29th. Last year I wasn't able to go all out for Jace's 30th because I just had the baby and so this year I thought well why not celebrate the two of them together! It was more to take on than I had originally planned for...Good thing I started planning 2 months ago haha!

I have the absolute biggest soft spot for our one year old. He has the absolute most tender heart and is extra snuggly. He's just the right amount of easy going for our tiny but crazy fam. Kue is the perfect combination of Jace, Kyren, and myself! His smile, his gap between his two front teeth, how he starts singing and tapping his little feet as soon as hears music. The way he scrunches his nose, how his ankles spin when he's excited and panting the minute he eyes food. The way he grins at Ky, tummy laughs at Jace, and peeks around the corner to find me after every single nap. --It's all my very favorite! He is Heaven on Earth.

Then there's Jace. I could go on and on about the father + the husband that he is to me and our boys...but I'll save it for him:) OKAY, fine. You talked me in to it. I'll share! He's the calm to my absolute crazy-worked up-anxious self. He's silent the minute I start lecturing and even shouting. Eating a bowl full of cereal is his thing and not like a small bowl but like a mix your brownie's kind of bowl. Nobody NOBODY in this great big world can make either one of our boys or myself laugh as hard as he does every single day! He's a trooper.. I mean he doesn't even bat an eye any more when I tell him I'm going all out for a birthday party when even I remember saying the year before "never again"! He's everything, just everything to me.

For you sweeties who take the time to be here I have posted some photo's of my boys' birthday party! The details, the food, the smash cake, the things that I don't want to forget and some people that mean an awful lot to me!! Without further ado, start your scrolling.

**The minute I searched Pinterest for idea's I saw these 'Pumpkin Poops' and just about died of their cuteness. We love these Cheeto Balls and BAM these were the very 1st of all of my plans.
My sister in law made these labels for me in 5 minutes and I'm so happy with them:)

My baby sister is always spoiling us. She made these cute teeny tiny smash cakes for both birthday boys and they were just what I wanted! Thanks Brini<3

These boards, my talented sister in law also whipped them up for me! She made one for Kyren when he turned one and I knew I had to have them for this party. We made one for Jace too as a little surprise and it was the funnest little touch.

I will tell you over and over again how talented my baby sister is. She's the most crafty human that I personally know. She makes the cutest photo cut outs for my boy's parties, and the cutest one-of-a-kind pin the ___ on the ___ games!

Give this boy all the food and he's the happiest camper!

First he started out slightly disgusted that this stuff called cake was between his fingers!

...he thought about it, touched it, got the hang of it...

and then, he was ALL in:)

Darn it! It was too late before I even had the thought of taking pictures with everyone. I was able to capture just a few of our very best+favorite people though before everyone went home.

I know it looks like KyBug aka Batman wasn't even at the party but you guys he had quite the sugar high from all of the Suckers+Cupcake+Ice Cream+Cake+Frosting he devoured. I did the best I could haha!

Ropey Racin' --Questival Time

Questival with some of the very best humans I've ever known 😍

Personal Experiences + Memories

I'm not sure if you guys know this or not but my little family recently purchased a new vehicle.
We were just too crammed in to our Camry and it was time to upgrade. We went through an auction down in Vegas and had never seen the car except in pictures...It had been keyed badly but everything else was exactly what we wanted. We weren't acquainted with how auctions go and we had underestimated how quickly they would need an answer. So thirty minutes later when we let our guy know we'd take it that auction had closed. Well, shoot. Our car man went in to the office and talked to them and we ended up getting it after all. When he called Jace with the news he said "boy, I don't know what you guys are doing but you must be living right because you just got a steal of a deal on that car"

Jace had called me and played a little trick on me and said we hadn't gotten it and I replied with "oh good, because we didn't qualify with America First." --then the loooong pause from Jace came followed by "uh, we got it" hahaha!
Lots of stress followed and I ended up running out to meet Jace to see what we could do. While driving out to meet Jace, with both boys asleep in the back I said a very sincere prayer. He heard, and I calmed right down. Mountain America Credit Union instantly approved us later that night and it was the greatest + quickest-no stress process!

My brother and Sister In law drove the car up to us from Vegas one week later.
Because it was an out of state car we ended up having to pay Sales Tax + registration on it.

Here's where I get a little bit vulnerable with you.
We literally had to empty every last bit of our savings, checking, and use every single penny of Jace's bonus he had just gotten earlier that day. We ended up borrowing money. We had to get our Camry sold ASAP the only problem was is it had quite the mileage on it but still ran amazingly. I listed it on KSL and for 3 weeks heard absolutely nothing. I dropped the price and still nothing. Until Tuesday night when I received a text asking if I still had it. They asked quite a bit of questions and bargained...Wednesday my sweetest mom drove it to Logan with me for them to see it and they bought it! hurray!!!

Here's the kicker and the whole reason behind me writing this post. I want to remember the following.
We needed a certain amount back in order to pay back the money we owed, pay off the loan, put money back in to our savings, and I was dead set on getting enough back to return Jace's well earned bonus. When we had agreed the night before on an amount we were losing $200 that was going towards Jace's bonus. **for some $200 is nothing, to me, I prayed hard for it to be retured to us because my honey works his tail off and deserves it!
The next day I called to see how much the pay off amount was on the car. You guys it was $230 less than what we had figured.

We are very very firm believers in tithing and well doing the best we can with what we have! I was in absolute shock when they told me the loan amount because honest truly every.single.prayer was answered. It was just another very very personal testament to me that Heavenly Father is very real and so is his love for us. He knew exactly what we needed; a few lessons to be learned, a whole lot of faith, and a couple hundred "extra" dollars that seemed like a million at the time. My mom told me multiple times "you guys are living right, it will work out"

**and that it did!!

Sidenote, just because of the sentimental person that I am and because of how hard it was for me to sale my very first car..I leave you with a few memories in it.
1- The first night I had it Madi and I drove to Kaysville to meet up with some boys and after driving 30 something miles in it I felt the need to stop and fill up the tank to keep it feeling brand new. Haha!
2- Sand Dunes and many Dance Parties with my friends.
3- Mine and Jaces very first date to Jamba Juice.
4- Driving to the temple on our Wedding Day and as soon as we saw the Temple I asked Jace if he was nervous and he told me yeah, I wasn't nervous one bit..until, after showing my recommend to the Temple workers.
5- I locked Jace out of the car for 1 1/2 because he wouldn't make a decision hahaha can you say Birth Control??
6- Grabbing on to the door handle in such pain when I was in labor with Kyren but quickly making a pit stop at Taco Bell to get a slush before they wouldn't let me eat a thing.
7- Bringing home Kyren..Here's a random tid bit my mom looked at when I first bought the car on a piece of paper before I sold it and it was 6/10 aka Kyren's birthday.
8- Bonking Kyren's head on the upper handle thingy every time I took him out of his carseat #momintraining
9- Kyren locking the keys in the car while we were moving out of brent and tami's house in the pouring rain.
10- Road trip down to St. George where Kyren slept all except for an hour + camping where Kyren cried all except for an hour.

Lady in waiting

I was that girl that sent a missionary boy off. He was the one you guys, atleast I thought and felt so strongly that he was. Before he had left we had conversations about..well everything. We had decided together that I wouldn't even date for fun..WHY would I? Like I said he was the one. Anyways he really wanted me to stay away from one specific individual that was a boy from my past and he made me promise. Then I was given a list...pretty much a "for Keri to do list while I'm gone"
--Get to know his family
--Get a job
--School
--Learn to cook + Laundry
--Read the Book of Mormon
!!STAY AWAY from above 'said' boy!!
--Also gave me instructions on how to workout... I ran and that was all I was interested in.

Over the next two years my life had drastically changed. I changed. He changed. Obviously we wrote, a lot! I specifically remember him writing to me telling me that we'd be married right away when he returned and how much he missed + loved me and so on.

I was all about girl time, family time, I didn't date, I went to Cosmetology School. I traveled to Europe for a month with my family and then came home and found a job at a photography studio. I went to his family's house so often. His sisters became some of my very favorite people very quickly! On Christmas I went over for THE phone call and even went to his Extended family Christmas Party! People, I was seriously committed to dominating that dang checklist! I also diligently read my scriptures and ran every.single.day. Check check check on all the to-do's!

My friends, the girls that got me through. But one sweet girl stands out an extra bunch! Sadly, I don't see her anymore but I think of her often and know that she was someone I needed. A bigger someone, who knew much more than I ever could, sent her straight to me because I needed her!! I remember the ultimate hot guy ((insert chiseled abs, tall, athletic, older, successful, ducks all in a row etc)) was interested in little ME! I said no, not only to him but others too all for who I thought was the one! Well a year went by and I received a letter. I must have known something was wrong. Instead of quickly ripping it open as I walked back down the gravel driveway I let it sit unopened. It basically said date other people, I want to focus on my mission, and we'll see what happens when I get home. ^^insert hot mess here! I slept the rest of the day until my mom came in late that night and held me while I sobbed. I remember her telling me "If it was right when you prayed about it it is right now" The next day my dad, aka the quietest man of all time, asked if he could talk to me. He sat me down on the couch and reassured me that he knew it'd work out in my favor and that he was a good guy. Over the course of these 2 years I had many MANY answered prayers and reassurances that it'd be okay + work out. Amazingly that exact SAME day my BFF received the exact SAME letter. We spent way too much money, ate our hearts out, and cried major ugly tears..but we did it all together! She was heaven sent. And to you sweet friend, if you're reading this, I miss you! I thank you for being there for holding me together and quite literally being the best best friend I could ever have. Thank you!!

His family quit talking to me, I got taken out of his sisters wedding party, and I didn't see them until he got home except for once at her wedding reception. It broke my heart! I wasn't talking to them, or going to their house, or just simply around just because I loved their brother. I genuinely loved them. Were they just my friend because of him? I sure hope not. Except his cousin, who I am still so close with and to you girlfriend you freaking rock!!! I love you.
Anyway, I then started dating + a lot too! I partied with friends! Spent plenty of money. I made a good amount of time for my family and it was the best! I faced a lot of rumors circulating about him, about me, about a lot! But overall I can 100% say I was loving life at the time.

He came home I believe on a Wednesday and I heard absolutely nothing from him until Saturday. My mom and baby sister had taken me out in hopes of keeping my head off of things. We were headed home and before we pulled in to the driveway there was his truck, parked in the very same spot it was parked two years ago. We hugged + tight too. Sunday he talked in church and my entire family and a couple friends came...we barely talked, I didn't think much of it I mean there were lots of people to talk to. He didn't even ask for my number you guys and he wasn't going to either. A couple weeks later after very few + short conversations and seeing him maybe once up popped a picture of him out on a group date with a girl who wasn't me! WHAT?!! You are telling me that I just waited for you for two whole years, that I'm not getting back and you aren't even giving me the time of day? You have to be kidding me! He couldn't even have a face to face conversation with me that he wasn't interested. I had check marked every.single. thing on that to do list and was there waiting and ready to marry the gosh darn kid! He couldn't even take me on a sympathy date; no communication, no answers, no closure. Nope, notta, zilch, NOTHING!!

Months later I had gotten to the point where I was finished dating for awhile and then DUN DUN DUNNNN comes Prince Charming. Jace picked up every broken piece of my broken heart + life. He ended up loving me for who I was and I didn't need to check off any to-do's! It was the best!! We went out to Jamba Juice on a Thursday and by that Sunday I knew he was really 'the one'! A month and a half after our first date we were engaged and 3 months later married!

So said missionary boy has recently gotten engaged --I can say the following because Mr. and I have already talked about all of this-- my first initial thought was "what does she have that I didn't" "is she prettier than I am" I love my husband, I love the life that we have built with each other. Thankfully, Jace recognized that he was an incredibly BIG piece of my life. I was flustered, at my wits end, and I literally couldn't sleep. Feelings of insecurity came rushing back; I'm not adequate, I'm not pretty...Did she complete your checklist? blah blah and so on! You know the thoughts, right girls?

I know that things didn't work out with him, and they didn't end the way I thought that they would. There were certainly times that I felt like Heavenly Father led me astray. I realize now that he actually was leading me to the life that I have now this entire time. He led me to a man who loved me for me, who adored me then and still does. Who led me to a beautiful life with two absolutely beyond perfect little boys. How grateful I am for a check list that helped me learn and grow! Thankful for his family who had accepted me and allowed me in to their home. Grateful for a boss that still allows me to work for her 7 years later. Grateful for an opportunity to read the Book of Mormon from cover to cover and develop my very own testimony of it. Grateful for the love of running that I developed over that time. Grateful for besties to lean on and an incredibly supportive + encouraging family (they're the top of the line as far as families go) --and extra grateful that I can undoubtedly grateful that I can not only do my own laundry but the laundry of three boys! So to you missionary boy, congratulations and thank you for more memories than I can count and for in a very round a bout way leading me to my husband! and an extra huge shout out to a husband that didn't judge me, feel less loved by me, or think I was crazy for sharing with him feelings about this entire post! You truly are my one and I mean it!

You alone are enough.

"You've got the CUTEST boys that keep you busy. You handle the two children thing like you've been doing it for years. Seriously, so impressive! You are so calm and are truly a natural! Clearly your boys adore you and you are such a fun mom!

I think it's safe to say that a lot of the time I feel like I'm not adequate to have two little boys who depend on me for practically everything. I mean, it's up to Jace and I, to keep two of the cutest + sweetest + obviously needy little humans alive. I find myself impatiently checking the clock over and over again just waiting for daddy to walk through the door to let me have a solo potty break!

I feel like I'm just falling short. Short in my duties as a wife, as a mother, homemaker, sister, daughter, friend, wanna be blogger, wanna be in shape mom, wanna be successful SeneGence seller, wanna change the world girl. It's true we beat ourselves up. Some days I feel like I'm barely keeping my head above water, like I'm constantly swimming up stream and just waiting to catch a break, for that 'so-said stream' to be shallow enough for my feet to touch the bottom if even for just a few short seconds.

I think we spend too much time wondering why we're not good enough. We waste too much time putting ourselves down, that we don't ever stop to see that we are good enough. We spend too much time with our heads down and our hearts closed, and never get a chance to look up from the ground and see that the sun is shining and that tomorrow is another day.

You may feel like you're not doing enough --Maybe like YOU simply aren't enough. The little few second break that you're just waiting so patiently to catch. Well it's coming. Whether it's in the form of a text, a phone call, a sincere comment or compliment.. for me, it's that little boy taking a quick break from playing outside to hug me tight and let me know that we're "fwends" or to hear him say "love you mommy" or to watch him literally run to my seat as quickly as he can to call dibs on my "lap" LAP" "LAAAAP"! It's my chubby babe that keeps me up in the night but has the most angel like twinkle in his little eyes while doing so. and oh that precious toothless-ear to ear-grin that only I get because I'm mom. --You just have to know the one I'm talking about. What is it for you? Your mom? Maybe a sibling? Your dog? What about your main squeeze? Whoever or whatever it may be.. I know you have someone or something that makes you feel good. That makes you feel like you can relax and even for just one minute that you are enough!

My point is... I feel very strongly that I'll never be capable of handling 3 children. Why?? Because I struggle with two. If we're being honest with each other it was a shock to me how challenging two babies would really be. I mean people do it all of the time, why can't I? My heart aches at the thought that Ky may be feeling like he isn't getting enough one on one time or that he's missing out on things or that he feels forgotten amidst all the change. I worry that Kue may cry for two minutes too long because I'm getting Kyren a drink or washing an Apple for him. I worry that Kueyn isn't getting enough cuddle/napping time with me.. that Kyren and I were able to have so much of within in these first few precious months. I worry that they're not eating enough, or drinking enough water out in the sun. I worry that Kyren has too much phone time, and not enough potty training time. I worry that everyone's judging me as I walk through Walmart dragging my two year old out of the toy section with a baby screaming in his car seat. I worry that people are thinking I'm a bad mom because I gave my 6 month old a taste of my Ice Cream. I worry that I'm not enough. The other day as I sat here feeling unworthy, and being extra brutal towards myself I received the above Facebook Message from a girl at play group that I have hardly ever even talked to. She didn't know what I was feeling that day. She didn't know that I really needed to hear that or that my boys screamed the entire way home.. But it was genuine, it was sincere. It touched my heart!

**so two things.

1- When you feel like you should say something to someone, or someone is weighing heavily on your mind or heart, don't be afraid. Say something. Let them know they are pretty and how much you love her shoes. Let them know you're thinking of them or have the cutest little Instagram feed. You think she's a good mommy? Tell her. She needs it! You think he/she is a good human being? Tell them. I promise you, we all need to hear it because we all have hard days. But please be genuine + the most sincere in all that you do and in all that you say!

and 2nd- YOU ARE ENOUGH. You may not see it. But I do. I see you struggling. I see you may be feeling a little bit defeated and really needing that Pepsi/Coke/Dr. Pepper/Fiiz/Coffee/Candy Bar etc. I see you asking "why me" and wanting to stay in bed all day. I see you on the verge of tears and trying with everything in you to hold it together. I see you're trying your best and giving it your all. I see you beating yourself up and stretching yourself thin. But know this...in all of your best efforts and all of your best "try-try-try again-s" I see you. I see your patience, strength, your love, and YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!

All things Kyren

You guys, when did my littlest boy get so big?!! --OR as he would say in a low growly voice "BIG BIG BIG"
He is the character of all characters! His personality is as big as his attitude and his heart even bigger.
I could go on and on about all of the things he has thrown fits about or the naughtiness that this feisty one is made of BUT instead today I'll go on and on about the goodness he has within him!

--I had just gotten both of the boys bathed. We were walking downstairs for a night full of Popcorn and early bedtimes. Kyren was holding my hand down the stairs while Jace walked behind with Kueyn. Just before we had taken our last step Kyren stopped me in my tracks and said "mom, mom, MOM" As I stopped and asked him "what" he very sweetly and excitedly said to me "MOM! You are beautiful"!!! What?! My heart pretty much a puddle on the floor turned and picked this little one up off the step, hugged him real tight, and told him "thank you" I mean, where did he come from?!! When did he even learn that big ol' word?!

--Awhile ago, my husband taught Kyren about being friends. Ever since he has been the biggest advocate for being someone's friend. Life lessons right? One particular morning, I was really really having the hardest time keeping my eyes open. Ky made sure to keep bugging Kue which in turn was bugging me. I had just started to tell Kyren to stop it when all of a sudden he wrapped his little arms around my legs, squeezed real tight + said "mom, we fwends" over and over again. My heart. He does this every night plus some!

--He has this evil laugh and it's just about the funniest + cutest thing. If he is really wanting your attention he will very slyly get you in to his room (or when we're at grandma's the playroom) pulling you by hand, quickly shutting the door behind you, and then he looks at you with a little Kyren smirk and say "HA-HA-HAAAAA"

--Jace opens things by using knives. So in the mornings I would try ever so hard to drag out the amount of time I had to stay in bed. I learned my lesson! One morning I came downstairs to a bag full of candy scattered all the way down the hall in to the kitchen. The table chair moved over to the counter and laying right in front of it was candy wrappers and all sorts of different knives! The little smartie pants had quite literally fended for himself and opened the candy with knives just like his dad would have done. Like they say "they are always watching"!

--Last week I had told Kyren if he let me get my work done I would play with him outside while Kueyn took a nap. I just barely had finished sending my sister in law a text and sat down on the cement to play all things boy aka cars, tractors, trucks, etc. He came and grabbed my phone and kept telling me "table. inside..table" and asked me if that was okay. I told him "yeah, go ahead." after sitting my phone on the table inside he came back out, looked at me, pointed his finger at me and said "no more phone" Oh Kyren. You kill me.

--He pretty much thinks Kueyn is the cutest thing to ever exist on this Earth...and I'm super biased but I mean, I think they are both the cutest ever! But Kyren will make it be known to be and Jace every day! "Oh Kue-eeee cute mom, kue-ee cute" "aweeee he's cuuuute" every now and then you'll think he says cute but instead he'll say "kue-eeee toot" haha! He's all about the little ones. He is always asking where Stratty is or having to check out the window to make sure baby Kohler is asleep before he can get in to his own bed. There was a little babe on a commercial and he could have sworn that it was Kohler on the tv!

As Kyren would say
--Pop-torn = Popcorn
--Warrrk = Walk
--Say cheese
--Jace = Dad
--Where's mommy's phone?!!
--Where's Jace phone?!!
--Ready. Set. GO.
--Ilk = Milk
--Gummy = Gum

As Kyren does
--He literally can work Snapchat better than I can. No joke!
--Takes his little toy bin from downstairs to the back door and tells me "outside" every.single.day
--Robbing Kueyn of any toy he's currently playing with. UGH!
--Is obsessed with pushing Kue in the stroller + going on walks.
--He calls + facetimes grandma, papa, and dad on a weekly/daily basis.