Lady in waiting

I was that girl that sent a missionary boy off. He was the one you guys, atleast I thought and felt so strongly that he was. Before he had left we had conversations about..well everything. We had decided together that I wouldn't even date for fun..WHY would I? Like I said he was the one. Anyways he really wanted me to stay away from one specific individual that was a boy from my past and he made me promise. Then I was given a list...pretty much a "for Keri to do list while I'm gone"
--Get to know his family
--Get a job
--School
--Learn to cook + Laundry
--Read the Book of Mormon
!!STAY AWAY from above 'said' boy!!
--Also gave me instructions on how to workout... I ran and that was all I was interested in.

Over the next two years my life had drastically changed. I changed. He changed. Obviously we wrote, a lot! I specifically remember him writing to me telling me that we'd be married right away when he returned and how much he missed + loved me and so on.

I was all about girl time, family time, I didn't date, I went to Cosmetology School. I traveled to Europe for a month with my family and then came home and found a job at a photography studio. I went to his family's house so often. His sisters became some of my very favorite people very quickly! On Christmas I went over for THE phone call and even went to his Extended family Christmas Party! People, I was seriously committed to dominating that dang checklist! I also diligently read my scriptures and ran every.single.day. Check check check on all the to-do's!

My friends, the girls that got me through. But one sweet girl stands out an extra bunch! Sadly, I don't see her anymore but I think of her often and know that she was someone I needed. A bigger someone, who knew much more than I ever could, sent her straight to me because I needed her!! I remember the ultimate hot guy ((insert chiseled abs, tall, athletic, older, successful, ducks all in a row etc)) was interested in little ME! I said no, not only to him but others too all for who I thought was the one! Well a year went by and I received a letter. I must have known something was wrong. Instead of quickly ripping it open as I walked back down the gravel driveway I let it sit unopened. It basically said date other people, I want to focus on my mission, and we'll see what happens when I get home. ^^insert hot mess here! I slept the rest of the day until my mom came in late that night and held me while I sobbed. I remember her telling me "If it was right when you prayed about it it is right now" The next day my dad, aka the quietest man of all time, asked if he could talk to me. He sat me down on the couch and reassured me that he knew it'd work out in my favor and that he was a good guy. Over the course of these 2 years I had many MANY answered prayers and reassurances that it'd be okay + work out. Amazingly that exact SAME day my BFF received the exact SAME letter. We spent way too much money, ate our hearts out, and cried major ugly tears..but we did it all together! She was heaven sent. And to you sweet friend, if you're reading this, I miss you! I thank you for being there for holding me together and quite literally being the best best friend I could ever have. Thank you!!

His family quit talking to me, I got taken out of his sisters wedding party, and I didn't see them until he got home except for once at her wedding reception. It broke my heart! I wasn't talking to them, or going to their house, or just simply around just because I loved their brother. I genuinely loved them. Were they just my friend because of him? I sure hope not. Except his cousin, who I am still so close with and to you girlfriend you freaking rock!!! I love you.
Anyway, I then started dating + a lot too! I partied with friends! Spent plenty of money. I made a good amount of time for my family and it was the best! I faced a lot of rumors circulating about him, about me, about a lot! But overall I can 100% say I was loving life at the time.

He came home I believe on a Wednesday and I heard absolutely nothing from him until Saturday. My mom and baby sister had taken me out in hopes of keeping my head off of things. We were headed home and before we pulled in to the driveway there was his truck, parked in the very same spot it was parked two years ago. We hugged + tight too. Sunday he talked in church and my entire family and a couple friends came...we barely talked, I didn't think much of it I mean there were lots of people to talk to. He didn't even ask for my number you guys and he wasn't going to either. A couple weeks later after very few + short conversations and seeing him maybe once up popped a picture of him out on a group date with a girl who wasn't me! WHAT?!! You are telling me that I just waited for you for two whole years, that I'm not getting back and you aren't even giving me the time of day? You have to be kidding me! He couldn't even have a face to face conversation with me that he wasn't interested. I had check marked every.single. thing on that to do list and was there waiting and ready to marry the gosh darn kid! He couldn't even take me on a sympathy date; no communication, no answers, no closure. Nope, notta, zilch, NOTHING!!

Months later I had gotten to the point where I was finished dating for awhile and then DUN DUN DUNNNN comes Prince Charming. Jace picked up every broken piece of my broken heart + life. He ended up loving me for who I was and I didn't need to check off any to-do's! It was the best!! We went out to Jamba Juice on a Thursday and by that Sunday I knew he was really 'the one'! A month and a half after our first date we were engaged and 3 months later married!

So said missionary boy has recently gotten engaged --I can say the following because Mr. and I have already talked about all of this-- my first initial thought was "what does she have that I didn't" "is she prettier than I am" I love my husband, I love the life that we have built with each other. Thankfully, Jace recognized that he was an incredibly BIG piece of my life. I was flustered, at my wits end, and I literally couldn't sleep. Feelings of insecurity came rushing back; I'm not adequate, I'm not pretty...Did she complete your checklist? blah blah and so on! You know the thoughts, right girls?

I know that things didn't work out with him, and they didn't end the way I thought that they would. There were certainly times that I felt like Heavenly Father led me astray. I realize now that he actually was leading me to the life that I have now this entire time. He led me to a man who loved me for me, who adored me then and still does. Who led me to a beautiful life with two absolutely beyond perfect little boys. How grateful I am for a check list that helped me learn and grow! Thankful for his family who had accepted me and allowed me in to their home. Grateful for a boss that still allows me to work for her 7 years later. Grateful for an opportunity to read the Book of Mormon from cover to cover and develop my very own testimony of it. Grateful for the love of running that I developed over that time. Grateful for besties to lean on and an incredibly supportive + encouraging family (they're the top of the line as far as families go) --and extra grateful that I can undoubtedly grateful that I can not only do my own laundry but the laundry of three boys! So to you missionary boy, congratulations and thank you for more memories than I can count and for in a very round a bout way leading me to my husband! and an extra huge shout out to a husband that didn't judge me, feel less loved by me, or think I was crazy for sharing with him feelings about this entire post! You truly are my one and I mean it!