Yesterday, I felt many different emotions but among them all, a feeling of sadness was the most overwhelming.
Not because my life is at all bad, because really, I love my life. But maybe, because my hubby is at work (I hate those 8.5 hours of the day), or maybe because after a month of vacations over and done with I feel I have nothing to look forward to. Maybe just maybe because of the sink full of dishes that I choose to hand wash because I can't stand letting a few sit for days to have enough to fill a dishwasher. Maybe the laundry that needed to be folded and the huge bags under my eyes from being so wiped out that if the public saw would probably be wondering what scary movie I was from.
I literally wanted and would have loved to sleep many hours if not the entire day. I anxiously waited for Kyren to fall asleep so I could nap along with him...beforehand, I quickly scrubbed the dishes, folded the laundry, and picked up what I could just so I could nap with my little snuggle bug. Before I quit my job, last January, I just knew I would be the 'all-time-best-wife' Having the house clean; with not one thing out of place, one speck of dust on the shelves, and all the pictures hung perfectly straight. Dinner on the table, brownies baking in the oven, with all the grocery shopping done. Unfortunately, not only did this NOT happen when I was pregnant but it's definitely NOT happening now. #epicwifefail
Last night, while the little babe was sleeping and the husband next to me watching the RSL game, and toys were scattered around me...I was feeling so blessed. I'm so thankful that Jace works so hard for all of us, that he provides for us both physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I'm so thankful for his willingness to make my dream to be a stay at home mommy possible!
There will always be laundry, there will sadly always be dirty dishes. But will there always be "Mr. Monkey", the bouncer, the rattles, and baby books? Sadly, no. Will there always be these moments of frustration that quickly change to a melted Mommy heart? I'm afraid not. Oh I live for those precious moments. I scroll through my picture feed each night and I couldn't count 'my favorites' even if I had twenty three pairs of hands. Today, I learned something new. Something meaningful, something I write down to help me remember. Today, I've learned that the piled up laundry, the stinky dishes, and all other messy things can be put on hold. I feel my baby growing up, getting bigger, getting stronger, getting more independent, and needing me less and less. I know in my heart that growing up is a part of this life. I struggle deeply knowing naps with Ky, nightly feedings (which always include the biggest of biggest smiles), the sweet sweet baby giggles, and even the hardest mommy moments where I just have to lay him down and walk away, for just a minute, will come to an end. I hate that it has to end, but as we've all heard all endings also mean new beginnings.
Within the last year and a half of my life. I've come to see, how quickly these new beginnings really start. I've seen how fast my marriage has gone, and how fast Kyren has grown from being my little 6 lbs. 10 oz. baby to over doubling his newborn size. I've seen how quickly he stops doing things I love..Like the sigh after his little aaaachoo, or ALWAYS cuddling morning day and night have turned in to bouncing in his bouncer, tummy time, or biting his little bottom lip..also all things I love.
The other day someone said, "The days are long, but the years are short". So Today, I am choosing to 'let go', to loosen the reigns, and let 'it' be. There is no way to capture every moment, laugh, or milestone except for in our memories. So here's to making our memories; big or small and minute by minute. This is our time!
