Growing boys

"God gave those little children to you, mama - you. No one else can mother them like you can. You may have your work cut out for you, but you're the one cut out to accomplish it". --Erin Odom

Today and everyday, I truly feel grateful + extremely blessed to call these boys mine. To have the opportunity to watch them grow, to hear "wake up-wake up" every single morning, to nurse a sweet babe every night, and to be there to cheer them on as they get older.
Not all days are easy, in fact, we have a lot of bad days too. Last week, Kyren threw a rock at a car..and if any of you know Kyren he has quite the arm. Sadly, Ky has been a little bit violent with our little Kue. And a 5 month old isn't always the easiest thing to take on. I know that the hours may seem long, but I do know that the days are short. I can't believe that I'll have a 3 year old in 3 months and that my tiny babe is already 5 months old. It breaks my heart that sometimes I'm not present enough to soak all of their goodness in. So today, that's what I am working on. Watching them interact with each other, embracing the messes, and cherishing the snuggles.

These boys. As I'm sure every mom says about her littles --they are the absolute best! They are cute, funny, and have the biggest personalities! We haven't done an update on here for quite some time...So today is the day.

Kueyn:--He's my little chunky man! (I know, I'm the luckiest)
short + most squeeze-able cheeks and eat-able thighs.
--He's rolling from his tummy to his back.
--Bath time + his fingers in his mouth are still his favorite!
--Of all the smiles I've ever seen His is the biggest!
--He thinks he has to sit up 24/7 or be facing outward.
--Seriously, he is the happiest babe I've ever laid eyes on.
--Let's not forget that today (the 6th) he is 5 months old.
--Puts up with an extra lot from his big brother.
--Worlds biggest bubble blower.
--He's reaching for everything and eyeing all of our food.
--Toys --He's all about them.
--Love - Hate relationship with his carseat.

Kyren:
--Costa Vida, Papa Johns, Fries, Juice + all the sugar in the world.
--He thinks Kue is pretty much the best thing that has ever happened to him.
--Will quite literally talk your ear off.
--Tantrums galore. Not joking..Please tell me the three's are better.
--"Hey! What are you doing" "Come play, come play" "Hey! Where going"
--Doctor. He loves it!
--He slept in his big boy bed for the first time just a week ago!
--Went potty in the toilet for the first time, ever on March 4th.
--World's biggest helper.
--"He's cuuuute" as he looks at his little cousin, Kohler.
--Mr. Independent (walking to the car, scanning at self checkouts, dishing up his food, getting dressed, turning on his sound machine etc.)
--Knows how to work snapchat on his own. (We apologize if you've received any snaps from us)

My kind of paycheck

Oh friends,

I have currently started selling DoTERRA Essential Oils.
1- Because I absolutely love the products. Like I'm one of those crazy Oil ladies.
2- I got a few checks back from it and it just felt so rewarding to feel like I was contributing.

I wonder more often than I should why others got so blessed with money, not that we don't have any. Because, really..We are doing just fine. I'm no successful blogger and I'm not making thousands of dollars retiring my husband. I'm not at Target everyday, and I often feel guilty buying a $2.00 Fiiz drink. We dream of having toys (i.e the four wheelers, a big ol' truck, all new clothes for all of us, pricey makeup, a fancy suv and the list goes on) and making that honeymoon trip that we never took. I mean, we can all think of a hand full of things we would like to have or places we would like to go, can't we? Please tell me I'm not alone in my thinking.

So many people make a living off of their talent; writing, drawing, crafting, beautifying, singing, talking. --It's been a few days now and I am still sitting here trying to figure out exactly what my talents are. Seriously, I know so many talented people and going on 72+ hours I still can't think of one darn thing that I'm good at. I told my mom that the only thing I'm good at these days is changing diapers. **haha! And I mean it. I have complete confidence that I can change a diaper in less than 30 seconds.

As I sat here the other night at my absolute wits end and feeling like I'm not enough.. In all areas of my life, really. I mean I don't bring in a weekly or even monthly paycheck. I'm "just" a stay at home mom. I "just" clean (honestly, I rarely cook), I "just" haul both of my boys to the grocery store and back, I "just" try and keep them presentable and smelling good, I "just" pick up the bag of purposely dumped out chips. I "just" do the laundry. I "just" make sure Kyren doesn't place a smartie in Kueyn's mouth for the second time. I "just" make sure they are both fed. I "just" watch the monkey + Adam Levine's newest hit song multiple times through out my day. I "just" try try try to be the very best that I can be for my boys. My eyes started getting teary and my heart a little too heavy... When I told Jace that I'm not contributing he looked at me, laughed, and said "because, raising our boys isn't contributing" I thought long and hard about that sarcastic statement. I have had some tough jobs. Some jobs that were emotionally wearing, some physically, and some were both. I can honestly say that motherhood has been the toughest + roughest of them all. BUT it has been the best + the most rewarding of them all.

I have been with them for all of the laughs, the owies, first bites of baby food, first roll over, first few steps. I have learned so much about my babies and about myself. I have seen my strength as well as fallen to my knees begging and pleading for help to make it just a few more hours for dad to get through the door. I have broken down, a lot. I have truly grown and changed.

Kyren reminds me to pray before dinner + before bed. Kyren reminds me that Kueyn needs to eat when he cries. Kyren reminds me to look for cars before crossing the road. Kyren reminds me to find joy in the small things + learning. He says "love you" "thank you" "welcome" "please" + so much more! Kueyn reminds me just how fast time really does fly by. Kueyn reminds me to smile at Kyren's craziness. Without any hesitancy they teach me every.single.day. Over and over again! Everything I do they are watching + learning + repeating.

So the moral of the story. Am I contributing as a mother? YES. Why do we as women/momma's feel like the things we are doing aren't enough? WHY?!! I may not have a paycheck to show for it but I do have two absolutely beautiful baby boys to show for it and that should be more than enough.

So to the mommy nursing her newborn, the mom walking her toddler out to the car because he/she can't have that $4.00 sucker from Hobby Lobby. To the mom who leaves the house to work and comes home and keeps working. To the mom who thinks her life is over. To the mom who feels lost and unimportant. To the over-protective, don't feed my kid that momma bears, to the moms who get up early and stay up too late. To the moms who feed their kids Mcdonald's. To the moms that live in pajamas/leggings all day everyday! Last but certainly not least...to the struggling hard on herself momma who feels the least talented + no paycheck coming in. You ARE contributing! Loving and caring for a human other than yourself is hard, emotionally taxing, physically draining, and just plain old hard!!! Your paycheck may not be an account full of money BUT your paycheck instead are the random kisses, the "mommmmmm" when you walk in the door, the daily snuggles, the smiles when they're sleeping, their hilarious dance moves, and fake laughs. Your reward is one that will last for years to come! So today, as you feel mom guilt for not being what you think is "enough" for what ever reason I hope you remember that in a few minutes your little babe will reward you with some sort of paycheck!

xoxo

Love a little harder

Friends, it's almost Valentine's day. The day of love and kisses + great big squishy hugs. In Elementary School you made cute little mailboxes, put together store bought Valentines for your class, and even had a celebration after lunch. And in 6th grade maybe even got to dance with the cute blonde boy with spiked hair. Then comes jr. high full of change, new people. New boys. And the school sales Carnations for $1.00 where you can write a small note to whomever you'd like. I distinctly remember the kids coming around 6th and 7th period reading names of people who received a flower. Some one, some two, some 12 or 13...and some none! (Ill come back to this.) Anyways, I remember sitting, and waiting ever so impatiently --almost to the point of feeling anxiety-- for my name to be called. High school rolled around and I seemed to always have a boyfriend, or a special someone. (Another point that I'll come back to) I remember getting flowers, a stuffed animal, some chocolates, and even going out on a date to celebrate this day filled with extra hype for those in love and extra loneliness for those who were considered "alone" or single. One year, a previous boyfriend had even come back from Logan (Utah State) and knocked on my doorstep with a huge bouquet of beautiful Gerber Daisies, the most massive lovable bear, and the prettiest ring. And then years later, a missionary that I was just so head over hills for left on a mission. Valentine's day was different for the next two years of my life! Instead of filling it with those kisses, hugs, and a pricey dinner date it was filled with girlfriends who took care of me, a sister who hugged me, and parents who supported me.

Then I met the one. The ONE who changed everything for me. The ONE who takes care of me. The ONE who takes care of two energetic busy boys. The ONE who came along and picked up the pieces after things with that Missionary Boy didn't work out. The ONE who tested/s my patience, and makes me make decisions. The ONE who goes with the flow and watches too many sports too often. The ONE who has facial hair **I always hated facial hair until he came along. The ONE who is okay with the mess. The ONE who thinks he needs a bullet bike. The ONE who eats pizza one night a week too many. The ONE who makes me laugh so hard my stomach hurts and I pee a little. (Haha) The ONE that I've never heard say a bad word. The ONE that proposed days after Valentines day. The ONE that roots for me and picks me up. The ONE that will run outside because I hate treadmills. He's the ONE you guys. He melts my heart so hard.

Neither of us are huge on Valentine's day...It's been that way since the very beginning. We've been married for a few years now and each year we both promise not to buy the other anything for this day. BUT year after year a beautiful bouquet of flowers/fruit bouquet shows up on my doorstep. We have started our tradition of making a yummy dinner at home and spending the night in. This year two little boys will join in on the fun!

Going back to waiting for my name to be called in Jr. High and being envious of the girls who received a full dozen of Carnations from Mr. Right. It seriously hurts my heart thinking about how much a flower could effect me. WHO CARES?!! You are loved. So loved. You may not be the Cheerleader, or the girl with perfect long hair, or wearing the newest fashion. You may not be invited to all of the "cool kids" parties. Your kids may not be the most well behaved and you may not be driving that Mercedes Benz. You may eat Mcdonald's more than you'd like to admit and you may not exercise as often as people think you should. Why do we let how many flowers are gifted to us, or what others think of us define us? I know that I do it too often. I know that I do care what others think of me and how I'm viewed. I'm working on it. Today, I wrote a list. A list of names of people who's opinions matter to me. It may be a bit longer than it needs to be but it's sure a heck of a lot shorter than it was.

Looking back to those high school-end of the world-everything is a big deal-high school days it seems as if I always had a boyfriend. Whyyyyy???? Well here comes the why. I felt as if I needed to always have someone who needed me. I felt I needed someone to make me feel special, to make me feel wanted, loved, needed. Here's the biggest why that I ask myself. Whyyyy did someone else define me?!! Looking back, it nearly breaks my heart that someone else always defined every bit of me for 3 years of my life. Whether I was happy, whether I was sad, whether I was "alone", whether I felt secure etc. That completely breaks my heart. I never, ever, in a million beyond years want my boys to feel like someone defines them. To you, who feel alone on the journey. To you, who feels small. To you, who needs a pick me up. To you, who feels like they are falling short. YOU ARE worth it. You are loved. You are important. You are needed by someone on Valentine's day and everyday.

To those of you who love this holiday **however few there are out there, I know there are some real die hard lovers of it! To those of you who hate it **like having anti-valentine's day parties. To those of you who are missing someone. To those of you who are spending it with friends because "the ONE" hasn't made his/her way to you just yet. To those of you who have found the one...whoever, and wherever you are I encourage each of you to find someone who needs a hug. To make this day special for someone who needs it. To compliment a stranger. To let one person in front of you in traffic. To spend a solid 5 minutes of uninterrupted time with your baby. To be kind. Valentine's day doesn't need to be JUST a day for lover's or heartache. It can just be a day of plain-old-fashioned love! Love for yourself. Love for your family. Love for your friends. And love for complete strangers! So here's to spreading love in any way or should I say every way that you can!

In our little corner of the world, we will be gifting Valentine's to our loved ones. To cousins that Kyren adores, to Papa that has been in the hospital. To grandparent's who spoil us rotten. For me, I hope so strongly that I can teach my boys to gift carnations to the ones who may not get any. I hope that I can teach them to love those that may be a little bit harder to love. I hope that one day, years ((hopefully many many years hahaha) from now that when their 'ONE' comes along they will treat her the same way that their daddy treats me! I hope Jace and I can work on loving our boys even more fiercely when it is harder to do so. That we can be examples of the truest form of love.