You alone are enough.

"You've got the CUTEST boys that keep you busy. You handle the two children thing like you've been doing it for years. Seriously, so impressive! You are so calm and are truly a natural! Clearly your boys adore you and you are such a fun mom!

I think it's safe to say that a lot of the time I feel like I'm not adequate to have two little boys who depend on me for practically everything. I mean, it's up to Jace and I, to keep two of the cutest + sweetest + obviously needy little humans alive. I find myself impatiently checking the clock over and over again just waiting for daddy to walk through the door to let me have a solo potty break!

I feel like I'm just falling short. Short in my duties as a wife, as a mother, homemaker, sister, daughter, friend, wanna be blogger, wanna be in shape mom, wanna be successful SeneGence seller, wanna change the world girl. It's true we beat ourselves up. Some days I feel like I'm barely keeping my head above water, like I'm constantly swimming up stream and just waiting to catch a break, for that 'so-said stream' to be shallow enough for my feet to touch the bottom if even for just a few short seconds.

I think we spend too much time wondering why we're not good enough. We waste too much time putting ourselves down, that we don't ever stop to see that we are good enough. We spend too much time with our heads down and our hearts closed, and never get a chance to look up from the ground and see that the sun is shining and that tomorrow is another day.

You may feel like you're not doing enough --Maybe like YOU simply aren't enough. The little few second break that you're just waiting so patiently to catch. Well it's coming. Whether it's in the form of a text, a phone call, a sincere comment or compliment.. for me, it's that little boy taking a quick break from playing outside to hug me tight and let me know that we're "fwends" or to hear him say "love you mommy" or to watch him literally run to my seat as quickly as he can to call dibs on my "lap" LAP" "LAAAAP"! It's my chubby babe that keeps me up in the night but has the most angel like twinkle in his little eyes while doing so. and oh that precious toothless-ear to ear-grin that only I get because I'm mom. --You just have to know the one I'm talking about. What is it for you? Your mom? Maybe a sibling? Your dog? What about your main squeeze? Whoever or whatever it may be.. I know you have someone or something that makes you feel good. That makes you feel like you can relax and even for just one minute that you are enough!

My point is... I feel very strongly that I'll never be capable of handling 3 children. Why?? Because I struggle with two. If we're being honest with each other it was a shock to me how challenging two babies would really be. I mean people do it all of the time, why can't I? My heart aches at the thought that Ky may be feeling like he isn't getting enough one on one time or that he's missing out on things or that he feels forgotten amidst all the change. I worry that Kue may cry for two minutes too long because I'm getting Kyren a drink or washing an Apple for him. I worry that Kueyn isn't getting enough cuddle/napping time with me.. that Kyren and I were able to have so much of within in these first few precious months. I worry that they're not eating enough, or drinking enough water out in the sun. I worry that Kyren has too much phone time, and not enough potty training time. I worry that everyone's judging me as I walk through Walmart dragging my two year old out of the toy section with a baby screaming in his car seat. I worry that people are thinking I'm a bad mom because I gave my 6 month old a taste of my Ice Cream. I worry that I'm not enough. The other day as I sat here feeling unworthy, and being extra brutal towards myself I received the above Facebook Message from a girl at play group that I have hardly ever even talked to. She didn't know what I was feeling that day. She didn't know that I really needed to hear that or that my boys screamed the entire way home.. But it was genuine, it was sincere. It touched my heart!

**so two things.

1- When you feel like you should say something to someone, or someone is weighing heavily on your mind or heart, don't be afraid. Say something. Let them know they are pretty and how much you love her shoes. Let them know you're thinking of them or have the cutest little Instagram feed. You think she's a good mommy? Tell her. She needs it! You think he/she is a good human being? Tell them. I promise you, we all need to hear it because we all have hard days. But please be genuine + the most sincere in all that you do and in all that you say!

and 2nd- YOU ARE ENOUGH. You may not see it. But I do. I see you struggling. I see you may be feeling a little bit defeated and really needing that Pepsi/Coke/Dr. Pepper/Fiiz/Coffee/Candy Bar etc. I see you asking "why me" and wanting to stay in bed all day. I see you on the verge of tears and trying with everything in you to hold it together. I see you're trying your best and giving it your all. I see you beating yourself up and stretching yourself thin. But know this...in all of your best efforts and all of your best "try-try-try again-s" I see you. I see your patience, strength, your love, and YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!

All things Kyren

You guys, when did my littlest boy get so big?!! --OR as he would say in a low growly voice "BIG BIG BIG"
He is the character of all characters! His personality is as big as his attitude and his heart even bigger.
I could go on and on about all of the things he has thrown fits about or the naughtiness that this feisty one is made of BUT instead today I'll go on and on about the goodness he has within him!

--I had just gotten both of the boys bathed. We were walking downstairs for a night full of Popcorn and early bedtimes. Kyren was holding my hand down the stairs while Jace walked behind with Kueyn. Just before we had taken our last step Kyren stopped me in my tracks and said "mom, mom, MOM" As I stopped and asked him "what" he very sweetly and excitedly said to me "MOM! You are beautiful"!!! What?! My heart pretty much a puddle on the floor turned and picked this little one up off the step, hugged him real tight, and told him "thank you" I mean, where did he come from?!! When did he even learn that big ol' word?!

--Awhile ago, my husband taught Kyren about being friends. Ever since he has been the biggest advocate for being someone's friend. Life lessons right? One particular morning, I was really really having the hardest time keeping my eyes open. Ky made sure to keep bugging Kue which in turn was bugging me. I had just started to tell Kyren to stop it when all of a sudden he wrapped his little arms around my legs, squeezed real tight + said "mom, we fwends" over and over again. My heart. He does this every night plus some!

--He has this evil laugh and it's just about the funniest + cutest thing. If he is really wanting your attention he will very slyly get you in to his room (or when we're at grandma's the playroom) pulling you by hand, quickly shutting the door behind you, and then he looks at you with a little Kyren smirk and say "HA-HA-HAAAAA"

--Jace opens things by using knives. So in the mornings I would try ever so hard to drag out the amount of time I had to stay in bed. I learned my lesson! One morning I came downstairs to a bag full of candy scattered all the way down the hall in to the kitchen. The table chair moved over to the counter and laying right in front of it was candy wrappers and all sorts of different knives! The little smartie pants had quite literally fended for himself and opened the candy with knives just like his dad would have done. Like they say "they are always watching"!

--Last week I had told Kyren if he let me get my work done I would play with him outside while Kueyn took a nap. I just barely had finished sending my sister in law a text and sat down on the cement to play all things boy aka cars, tractors, trucks, etc. He came and grabbed my phone and kept telling me "table. inside..table" and asked me if that was okay. I told him "yeah, go ahead." after sitting my phone on the table inside he came back out, looked at me, pointed his finger at me and said "no more phone" Oh Kyren. You kill me.

--He pretty much thinks Kueyn is the cutest thing to ever exist on this Earth...and I'm super biased but I mean, I think they are both the cutest ever! But Kyren will make it be known to be and Jace every day! "Oh Kue-eeee cute mom, kue-ee cute" "aweeee he's cuuuute" every now and then you'll think he says cute but instead he'll say "kue-eeee toot" haha! He's all about the little ones. He is always asking where Stratty is or having to check out the window to make sure baby Kohler is asleep before he can get in to his own bed. There was a little babe on a commercial and he could have sworn that it was Kohler on the tv!

As Kyren would say
--Pop-torn = Popcorn
--Warrrk = Walk
--Say cheese
--Jace = Dad
--Where's mommy's phone?!!
--Where's Jace phone?!!
--Ready. Set. GO.
--Ilk = Milk
--Gummy = Gum

As Kyren does
--He literally can work Snapchat better than I can. No joke!
--Takes his little toy bin from downstairs to the back door and tells me "outside" every.single.day
--Robbing Kueyn of any toy he's currently playing with. UGH!
--Is obsessed with pushing Kue in the stroller + going on walks.
--He calls + facetimes grandma, papa, and dad on a weekly/daily basis.